flashback: the first meeting - before

Well, I’m officially freaked out. Technically, I’ve probably been freaked out all day. The time is going like molasses. Seriously! How can it only be 4:20…that’s still 2 hours away! Before we even have to leave!  I still have no idea what I’m going to wear. I have played through so many scenes in my head that I think I’m going nuts. I’ve got old Bachelorette re-runs on in the background to distract myself (not working). I have accomplished virtually nothing workwise today because I can’t focus. I did have a pretty good workout so now I feel like I need to for a run or something but I can’t because then I’ll be all sweaty and stuff. I wonder if Juno has been having the same day. I mean this is as terrifying and nerve wrecking (wracking? That’s really a word? What the hell?! Hah, you learn something new every day!) as a first blind date, a job interview and meeting the in laws for the first time all wrapped into one! 

 I know that at the end of the day we just have to be ourselves and hope for the best. That’s really all we can do, right? And we want to be comfortable that we’ve put our best, most honest face forward and hope that she’s doing the same. And more important – that she likes us! Like Sally Field said at the Oscars, you like me! You really like me! I can’t imagine if she picks us and the clock starts ticking, that’s going to be so fast. 

But I shouldn’t get ahead of myself, should I. One thing at a time and remember that there are no guarantees. I feel like a complete nut job today, thinking about planning a baby shower, getting the room ready and stuff, names – what names?!, how are we going to tell our parents, our friends, what happens if the baby’s early or late, what will she look like, what does Paulie look like, why did they pick us other than the notable absence of fairy tale horseshit and the fact that we’re not a family with a half-dozen kids already. Are we really ready and fit to be parents? I mean this is a big responsibility! And although I like to think we can do a more respectable job than a 14 year old, who knows! No, I know the answer to that. How are we going to tell Scott’s family that we can’t make the houseboat trip – oh, because we’re getting a baby! That’s why. Wait, maybe. See, here goes the roller coaster carny ride again! All damn day long, I tell you! Scott likes to sing that doo-doo-doodle-ooo-doo-doo-doodle-ooo circus music to describe what’s going in my head sometimes. Today it’s actually pretty dead on! –sigh- Okay, maybe I’ll go do some yoga or something and see if I can turn off the crazy for a bit and get into a calm spot.