Journal entry from May 27th, 2008:
Today was a big day! We got the call! I’m not sure what I expected but I had a message from our adoption coordinator and my heart just started pounding. So I’m telling myself calm down, don’t get too excited, she’s probably just calling to see if we decided to change our profile at all. So I listened to the message and sure enough, they have a birth mom who is interested in us! I can’t believe it! I was in absolute shock, completely stunned. It’s so funny because it was the call we’ve been waiting for and when it came, I was so totally unprepared. I sat on the couch in my office for a minute and just tried to breathe and soak in the moment. I am so grateful and thrilled and scared and nervous! So what now? I called Amber and she gave me the lowdown. The birth mom is from out of state. Her name is Juno. I’ve always loved that name (not Juno, but her real name, although Juno is cool too). She’s only 14, can you believe it? But she has a boyfriend who is 16 and wants to be involved in the process. She’s due August 1st and it’s a boy. A boy! Cute little baby boy! I felt like an idiot on the phone with Amber. I had no idea what to say, what to ask, I could barely make a complete sentence I think. So anyway we’re meeting with her and her aunt on Tuesday. Talk about some pressure! It’s so hard, we haven’t wanted to tell anyone until after the meeting just to make sure. I guess this is a roller coaster we need to ride alone for the time being. And I know that we need to be as thrilled as we are but grounded in reality a bit too. I mean she’s young, she has two more months to think about this and she has a boyfriend which they say is the biggest risk of deciding to parent at the last minute but I’m hopeful and thankful that maybe our baby has found us finally.
It was such odd timing too because yesterday my friend Amy emailed us all and said that she’s pregnant. It was such a blow for some reason. I mean it really kind of threw me off earlier in the day. I was just thinking – if she makes a baby before we even get a call I’ll…I don’t know what! It’s hard because I am truly happy for her but I was soooo jealous and kind of feeling sorry for myself and then boom! Here comes the call! How’s that for timing?!
I was so over the top all day! We went to dinner and drinks for Little’s birthday and then went to the Sex and the City movie – which was deliciously cheesy and girlie. The whole audience was dressed up in their SATC finest. I’ve never seen so many great shoes and cute outfits – especially at a movie in Utah! It was a fun night and I have no idea how I managed not to spill the beans all night long. Thank goodness I was able to tell Tiffany, otherwise I probably would have burst! I can’t wait to tell our parents and everyone but it’s scary too knowing that something could change any minute for the next two months – and that’s assuming that Tuesday goes well!
I wonder what Juno is like, what her boyfriend is like, how they’ve gotten to this place and how they’re dealing with it. It’s got to be so much emotion for people so young. But who knows, who knows what kind of girl she will be or why she is making such a brave and generous choice, or what she saw in us that made her feel like she might want us to raise her baby. I’m sure she’s wondering the same thing about us. You know, if we’re as cool as our book made us look. Hah! Just kidding!
It’s so hard to imagine that in 2 months we could have a little baby in our house. Everything changes. I pray that we will be good parents. I pray that the baby will be healthy. I pray that Juno and her boyfriend are making the right choice and that they like us. I pray that all of our dreams are going to come true. I am going to start writing more regularly now so that when we start our baby book we can share with the baby our elation and fear and joy and love for both him and his birth parents. I’m sure that it’s not something I’m likely to forget anytime soon but it will be great to have stories from these crazy days to share.
Good lord! What do you wear to an interview? What questions do you ask? What do you talk about to a 14 year old who’s 7 months pregnant with what could be your future joy, your baby? I don’t think that’s something you can google, is it? Gosh, think about all the stuff we have to do now! Baby shower, baby room (do I still love the bees if it’s a boy? I think so, definitely for now at any rate. Plus boys love bugs, right? We can paint all kinds of critters in the grass if he wants!), car seats – shoot, I need to go clean my car, so many things to think about and do and prepare for. I couldn’t be more excited! Well, I could be if I wasn’t tying to temper the euphoria with a little bit of reality. Anyway, big day! The first of many I hope!
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