cutest gifts ever

I was up until 2am last night making Christmas books for both of the kids. It's not that hard to make the books, it just takes time to pick out which photos you want to use, upload them - and starting at 10:30 didn't help any!

I loved this design even though it's a Taylor Swift.
Seriously...how much money does this teenager make?

I checked out a few photobook sites and Photoworks has, by far, the best designs and the easiest program to use. (use this Photoworks coupon code to get the best deal...the others are just for shipping and the 20% seems to be a better deal - thanku).

I love this photo of Tagg...his Cars, all perfectly lined up,
the devilish grin, and the bandaid on the knee.
The whole book is adorable. It's so "2".

I think photobooks are amazing. Every time I make one - which I've done since we created our first adoption profile book - I am stunned at how easy it is, and how gorgeous the final product is. Can you imagine these children growing up and reading through the books of their life, chapter by chapter, with them as the star? Very cool. I wish I had that! Tagg already reads his birth book and we have photos of his birth family in there...photos I love because there will be a picture of me and Scott holding this itty-bitty adorable newborn boy, tears in our eyes, shock on our faces, utter and absolute joy in the moment, and there in the background are Tagg's birth parents and grandparents smiling. He'll always know that that day, no matter how difficult it was for everyone, was fueled by love and joy. Pretty cool.

We make photobooks for the kids and send them to their birth parents on big occasions like birthdays and Christmas. It's a lovely way to include them in the kids' worlds and to make sure that they have a tangible connection.

I remember Tagg's baby grandma saying that she had read our profile book hundreds of times before she met us, like it was an introduction to these strangers who would be raising their baby and who would soon, hopefully, become family of a sort. I always hope that they read these books over and over, like Tagg does, so they "know" these amazing little children. And, let's face it, I also hope and pray that they think they made the right choice because the can see that we are giving the kids everything they had hoped for and that we're raising good, loving, responsible people.

The Christmas Card: In case you don't get one because I can't
find an address or a stamp...here you go!

I'm not gonna lie. It's a lot of work managing relationships with four separate birth parents and their families. It's incredibly rewarding but it's also tough. How much is too much? How little is enough? You have to do everything times four. You worry about appearances, or at least I do! What is right, what's wrong, and why isn't there some kind of Adoption for Dummies that I can cheat from?! The best thing is that being accountable to birth parents keeps you honest. I HAVE to do the blogs. I HAVE to make the books. I HAVE to make sure that Sloane has as many pictures and videos and attention as the first-born. And that's awesome. (I'm sure every second child would agree!) And it ends up being awesome for all of us

So I'm not really sure how it's all "supposed to be." All I know is that Tagg and Sloane deserve to know their birth families and understand the love that brought them into our family and the love that embraces them from all different hearts. Their baby-parents and families deserve to know that our kids are super-fabulous and that their sacrifice was worth it, more so if they fulfill all of their dreams. A couple of all-nighters to get all that good stuff? No problem.

supermom...kinda

The faces of Christmas...hopefully,
it gets better.

 Last night, I went into SuperMom mode. You know what it is...leave work, pick up alterations, buy birthday gifts, drop favorite boots at the shoe repair shop, get gas, go home, hug and kiss and play with babies, make Pumpkin Crack and appies for holiday work potluck with 2-year-old while making tacos for dinner and cranberry-pecan muffins because for some reason I didn't already have enough to do, put up Christmas tree, calm screaming baby, clean up after 2-year-old who has launched two glass ball ornaments onto the tile floor while you were calming screaming baby, calm screaming 2-year-old who is mad he can no longer throw said glass balls, feed screaming baby...give up on "beautiful trimming the Christmas Tree with the family" vision and put both kids to bed before the adults lose it too, pour glass of much-needed wine and trim the tree in peace with husband while watching Modern Family, go to bed at midnight. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaa...

i know, you know

I don't know much about Elizabeth Edwards. She was a political wife, but also a lawyer and career woman in her own right. She was a mother who lost a child. A wife whose husband betrayed her. A sick woman who battled not only her own terminal cancer but also fought a battle to provide health care for those who aren't privileged enough to have that security. I never read her books, but I caught a couple of interviews with her and read a few articles she wrote. She seemed like a strong, gracious woman.

When she lost her battle with cancer today, I didn't know quite how to feel. I think when you're a survivor, you always fear having to go through it again and not being as lucky the second time around. I remember sitting in the chemo room after our honeymoon waiting to get my chemo fanny pack and pic line restocked with cancer-killing poison. There were a lot of older women there, all of them looking at me a little askance like, "What are you doing in here, girl, with your tan and your hair? Either you're waiting for someone so get out of our space, or you're one of us and we feel pity for you because you are too young to deal with all that we have." Most of them were dealing with round two of breast cancer and it was a bitch. Like, I beat it ten years ago and now it's back in my brain or I beat it 20 years ago and now it's back in my bones. Breast cancer is nasty. That's a scary reality when you're 30, and scary 10 years later. It's just scary.

I admire Elizabeth and her strength to fight the battle with such grace and fortitude. I found this quote in the news article today and I thought...yep, girl, you did it right.

"Either you push forward with the things that you were doing yesterday or you start dying," she said. "If I had given up everything that my life was about ... I'd let cancer win before it needed to."

Her Facebook farewell brought tears to my eyes, too:

"The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human," she wrote. "But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful. It isn't possible to put into words the love and gratitude I feel to everyone who has and continues to support and inspire me every day. To you I simply say: you know."

I know, you know.