I finally cracked the other day and went to the dermatologist. Not because it had been 4 years since my last appointment. Nope. I’m obviously not a stickler for regular check-ups. I had this little blemish on my cheek that has been there since March and no matter how much Neosporin, Oxy10, hydrogen peroxide, zit buster or toothpaste I put on it, it wouldn’t go away. But I still ignored it. Eventually one of these miracle solutions was going to do the trick. So, I’m getting ready one morning, applying cover up to said blemish for about the 122nd time and Radio from Hell on X96 (my favorite radio program on my favorite radio station) is on in the background as it is every morning. It was the “Ask a…” feature and they just so happened to be interviewing a dermatologist about skin cancer. My ears perked up and what do you know? I found out that if you have a scaly blemish that won’t go away for some period of time it might be cancer. Shit. Really? I made an appointment that day.
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| This is a good way to see the "spray tan." I was the same color as my sister about 4 hours before this photo. It's like magic. If you could zoom in, you could probably get a good shot of all those 'nomas on my chest. |
Turns out, that was no lie. It’s nothing major but that little sucker and a few similar scabby welts on my beleaguered chest just so happened to be some kind of pre-cancerous –nomas. Not melanoma. That’s the bad one, I think. But the kind where if you leave them alone long enough, they’ll turn into something bad and then you have to have half of your face surgically removed. So they “burned” them off which is kind of a funny term because they actually use liquid nitrogen so technically they are freezing them off. I’m not totally sure how that is some kind of preventative treatment but I’ll take their word for it. What I do know is it’s two weeks later and I still have the scabs.
So, being a responsible dermatologist, Dr. Nitrogen tells me I should wear my 50 SPF sunscreen every single day, everywhere, all over. Huh. Doesn’t that kind of seem like shutting the gate after the horses have escaped? I mean, let’s face it. I spent some quality time in my teens laying out in the sun with CRISCO for sunscreen. (I’m not alone on this one!) Sometimes, when that made me feel too much like of a piece of meat baking in the sun, I would switch to something more effective. Baby oil. And, even though you’d think I would have listened to all those warnings over the past 25+ years of basking in the sun, I rarely put sunscreen that’s higher than 8, except for my face which gets uber-protection. I don’t know why. Well, actually, I do. If I put anything higher than an 8 on my skin I don’t get tan. And I like being tan. But I don’t like being wrinkled.
Which leads me to this. I’ve been spray tanning for about the past year. No more tanning beds for me. I’ll bake in the sun but getting in that bed nowadays just seems dumb. Not to mention that I barely have time to pee most days so spending 30 minutes doing the tanning thing several times a week is just not an option. Spray tanning however? 15 minutes in and out, 15 bucks and I’m super, George Hamilton-tan in about 4 hours. I actually found out that there’s a celebrity tanning spectrum so you can see where you rank…au natural, I’m a 2. With the help of the spray tan, more like a 6-7. Not GTL but respectable. I’ve even started using this L’Oreal self tanner at home which also works really well for maintenance. But then I have to ask myself – how can whatever chemicals they use to turn your skin brown and stinky in a matter of hours possibly be any safer than the oh-so-natural sun with its Vitamin D and make-me-happy properties?
I’m not sure, but for now I guess I’m going to stick with it and hopefully avoid any more visits to Dr. Nitrogen.
