what's in a name?

As we head into the new year, I want to start talking more about our adoption journey. But the birth parents are a big part of the story so what do I call them? Names that won’t give away their privacy. I am completely stumped. When Scott and I met Tagg’s birth mom, the movie Juno had just come out. (It still makes me bawl every time I watch it. I have to keep tissues nearby.) Tagg’s birth mom’s name is kind of similar, and although she’s not at all like that character, Juno kind of became our pseudonym for her. She was really young – 14 years young – and from a small town and it was and is important for them to keep her situation private. So when we talk about her outside the family, we call her Juno. Totally don’t know if that’s appropriate, offensive, or adorable.

 

The funny thing is that her boyfriend at the time, Tagg’s birth father, is a little like Paulie Bleeker. Well, his name ends with “ie” and I think he even ran track although I hope any resemblance stops before the sweatbands So, for the purposes of this blog, that is how they shall be known (until some movie mogul’s attorney calls and tells me to cease and desist). 

I think Bella and Jacob will be Sloane's birth parents' pseudonyms. She’s lovely and bright and strong-willed and he’s part-Native American and handsome. They are both very serene people, calm in ways that Scott and I are not and I kind of always felt like those Twilight characters were a little sedated. Perfect! So that works for now, but what do we call them when we explain everything to Tagg and Sloane? And how do we explain their parents, the baby-grandparents? 

I know people who call birth moms the “tummy mommy” but I think that’s kind of weird. We’ve been known to say “Sloane’s Baby Mama” or “Tagg’s Baby Daddy.” Again, the movie Baby Mama just came out so it kind of seemed right at the time. I sort of consider our birth families like my Aunt Kris who is this brilliant, joyful woman who loves everyone she comes in contact with like they’re her kids. And all of my girlfriends are “Aunt” whatever to our kids. So maybe they just kind of become different kinds of “aunts” and “uncles”, those special relations who get to love you and support you, put your picture on their fridge, send a gift for birthdays or graduation, and are just generally around to make sure that you’re happy and successful. That sounds like the right kind of vibe. A vibe without a name still.