i suck at birthdays

It’s one of those things that I always wish I was good at but I’m just not. I have friends (Amy and Natalie) and family (Tiff, Aunt Kris, Mom and MamaHama) who are amazing at birthdays. They always seem to find the perfect gift. The thing that’s sentimental, thoughtful, the thing you wanted but wouldn’t have gotten for yourself. And it’s always wrapped really cute and delivered on time if not before. Never a belated birthday required from this crew. I’m that person that gives a generic gift card or hand soap or some cheap but cost more than it should have jewelry, or a unique, creative thing like a Make Your Own Espresso Kit that they’ll never use and will probably end up in a charity donation within the year.

I also suck at cards but that’s a whole different story. And, to add insult to injury, I also recently crashed my personal Entourage account so my birthday reminders are MIA which means it’s up to my brain to remember birthdays (lotsa luck), or I need to be on Facebook every day to make sure I’m not missing anything, or I need to find time to recreate my personal database of life. If I could find my personal calendar, I would totally schedule that in.

So imagine my internal angst when the baby mama and daddy birthdays come around. I know I suck at this for people I see or talk to regularly so I know, or should know, what they like, need, want. I suck at this for people where I understand the relationship – you’re my sister, I can give you a pair of purple tights or diamond earrings and there’s a reason and a story that I can explain to you and if it’s weird it’s still okay because there’s never too much or too little because you love me because at least I tried (hopefully, on or before your actual birthday). When it’s the people who gave you your child, it’s so…well, so much more.

Tagg’s baby mama’s and baby daddy’s birthdays are within a couple of weeks of each other, right around Halloween. This year, Tagg and I painted some fall colored picture frames for them. He’s a really good artist, for a 2 year old. I’m actually “making” him do a couple more for me because they were so incredible. We added this amazing photo of him at 2, with his Cars cars and a scab on his knee and sent them off with birthday cards. I think it’s good. It’s definitely from the heart. But I wonder and worry if there’s ever going to be a point where they’re seniors in high school or in college or getting married and being reminded that there’s this amazing little boy in the world who they gave birth to and gave to us, or “gave up” as most people think of it which certainly captures more of the sacrifice involved, is just not right. They made this choice so they can do all of the things they wanted and needed to do, and be the people they were meant to be. I know they want to know about him and know that he knows about them and there will always be love surrounding their relationship no matter what path it takes. But is there ever a point where they’d rather have something like an iTunes gift card than photos and art that remind them of what they gave up? Or does it remind them that their life as it is and their future IS the birthday gift?

It was Sloane's baby mama's birthday - the big 21 - recently and I had the same angst. We went to lunch with her and her mother at Paradise Bakery because she said the best birthday gift ever would be to see Sloane. So I guess that's the answer, right? Or at least I can hope.