the swear jar

The Swear Jar

Is it bad to have a swear jar when you’re four? I’m guessing that’s a "yes." And yet another reason why I will not be winning the Mother of the Year trophy. I picked the kids up from Nana and Papa’s house on Saturday. They were starving. I was trying to cram too many errands in a 24 hour period than are humanly possible. So I figured fast food would be in order. They could eat in the car (against one of my cardinal rules) while I drove to the grocery store, and hopefully we could avoid a major meltdown in the produce section. I was visualizing this detailed gameplan when I realized I needed to decide which burger joint was getting our business.

Me: “Tagg, what do you want for lunch?”

Tagg: “I want a fuckin’ smoothie.”

Me: Long Pause of Disbelief. WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?!?!

“Um, what?”  

Please, please let him say PUMPKIN smoothie. PUMPKIN smoothie…

Tagg: “I want a fuckin’ smoothie, please.”

Me: At least he said please. No wait...this is really bad. Speedy Internal Debate… Do I ignore it? Do I tell him not to say it? Last time I did that he said “dammit” about a hundred times in a row. Do I pretend like he actually said “pumpkin?” I have to say something, right? What do you say to your 4-year-old dropping the f-bomb like it’s any other adjective? And what have my parents been teaching him?! 

So I pulled over and told Tagg that was a very adult word, and not a nice one at that and he shouldn’t use it ever. And if he ever heard an adult use that word he should tell them it’s not a nice word. And then we went and got a fuckin’ smoothie. After I texted Scott to let him know that his son is now fluent with his patented swear word. I mean, I may be “Dammit Girl” but this f-bomb stuff is ALL Scott. I do like to gloat a little bit about that.

And I now have a swear jar for the kids. I put in a quarter every time they drop one of the good ones. The not-so-awful ones get nickles and dimes. Pennies for any time Scott and I drop one of any caliber. At this rate, we might be able to pay for college.