baby bangs

My daughter is a little hair-challenged. She is beautiful and perfect. But she kind of has a mullet. A baby mullet. So of course it caught my attention when I saw this commercial on the treadmill TVs at the gym. I didn't have my headphones in and I thought, "Surely, this is a joke. A parody." Right?

Oh no. It's for real. It's like a wig. With a headband. For BABIES. Or as their tagline says: for the girl who has everything...except hair. You know, because the trauma a 5-month-old will endure being mistaken for a boy - even when she's decked out head to toe in hot pink and flowers which means the people asking if she's a boy are completely oblivious morons - is just too cruel of a fate for young girls.

Even worse...apparently Tyra did a special on these...things. Maybe that explains her hideous 'do on this season's America's Next Top Model all-stars. Maybe she's rocking the baby-bangs. That may be my last straw with Tyra, which is saying a lot considering some of her horribly self-indulgent "acting" moments when she's welcoming the new contestents and the season where she wore pant-suits to every judging.

As for me and Sloane? We're sticking with the old-school chick-identification mechanisms. I glue a bow on her head every so often and make her wear at least one obviously pink item or a dress every day. And if she touches a truck or a football, I smack it out of her hand and replace it with a Barbie.

Maybe I'll start a Baby Bandana company.
Hard-core bandanas for baby girls with no hair
who don't want to look like the next-generation
of Toddlers & Tiaras.