happy anniversary!

10 years and still smiling!

 10 years! That is something to celebrate, right? Hell yeah! So we went to Cancun for a week, no kids, all-inclusive resort with a hot tub in the room that was couples only (not going to lie, that was a little scary...does that mean swingers?), no kids. 

Cheesy? Cute? I'm not sure but I kind of like it.

That was a tough choice to make, because we love them so much and a week is a long, long time. But it's important to make sure we focus on ourselves as a couple, not just as parents. We both think that's pretty important for a marriage to last. Let's face it. We get pretty wrapped up in life and juggling work, home, kids, family, friends, health, and the 80 bazillion plates we have to keep spinning on a daily basis. We know that we make a kick-ass relay team and partnership but sometimes it's tough to hang on to those first new-love, mad about you, romantic things you do and feel all the time.

For the record, we actually did walk down the beach.
A lot. But not in color-coordinated or nice outfits.

So the kids had to suffer through a week with Grandma and Bompa, and their favorite aunts and a slew of friends who came over for playdates. I suspect they had more fun than any normal week! As a matter of fact, we were told not to call them after about the first day because every time we did they remembered we were gone (yep, until then, out of sight out of mind!) and freaked out. Nice.

Nice air, right! We'd seen all these other couples kind of
hop in the air and we were like, whatever. If we're going cheesy,
we're going big!

We've never been to Cancun, but it's really pretty. The beach is much more gradual than Cabo or Vallarta so you can really wade out in the ocean and play, which we loved. The weather reports before we got there said 87 and thunderstorms every day. Every single day. Reality? It rained pretty good one day and one night and the rest of the time it was beautiful! Hot and muggy. But totally sunny and perfect.

Scott pretty much only had t-shirts on the trip so I got him
something nice to wear at the gift shop.
Can you see where the inspiration came from?
After this photo, he was known as "mannequin guy."

This was by far one of the most relaxing vacations we've ever had. Usually by day five you're like, what?! it's only been two days! Not this trip. Two days felt like five and the week was lovely. We had $1500 of resort credit so we did zip line, horseback riding, an epic spa day (which happened to be the only rainy day...score!), a lobster/steak candlelight dinner on the beach, and a jet boat ride thing - and still had money left over. So we got the photo package. Bear in mind, we had been hanging out in our spot at the infinity edge pool all week, looking at the beach, drinks in hand, mocking the yahoos doing all the exact same dorky poses. And all of a sudden, we were the dorks.

I read 3 books and 2 magazines in a week. Probably more than
I've read in a year. Even Scott read a book. Monumental.

We took a tour of Moon Palace which is a huge resort about 20 minutes away. We did the typical timeshare spiel. Painful but...while we were there, Scott won us a free trip for another week at any resort by matching some random number to the last 4 digits of his credit card! All of the people were stunned. Apparently this does not happen very often. Love him!

Scott celebrating his win at the only "swinger" bar
we found in Cancun.

We met a bunch of very cool people at the resort - Brett and Carrie, a funny brash couple from Texas who introduced us to some hideous beer, lime drink called a chulato and helped us convince unassuming folks that we were polygamist couples (many stories stolen directly from Big Love); Jimmy, an almost-40 unemployed muscle-head with a big laugh and a full back tatto and Kaitlyn, his sweet 21 year hottie girlfriend from Indiana who could do more shots than anyone we've ever seen (Scott owed his only hangover of the trip to Jimmy); and, Danny and Michelle, a cute couple from London who taught us how to play a new card game we call "Danny is a Shithead". And there was the weird older Harley-riding couple where the lady got those little braids and beads like the little girls get put in her short dishwater blonde hair and seemed to be everywhere we turned up.

The view from our room which came complete
with a huge jacuzzi tub and full bar.

After 10 years of marriage, I am happy to report that I am still fully, completely in love with the most wonderful guy. Scott is the most amazing man and I'm so lucky that we took the leap a decade ago. He continues to inspire me every day with his joy of life, his patience, his good nature and positive attitude, his desire to help others, his propensity for saving (senor cheapskate strikes again), and his all-encompassing big-hearted love of me, life, family, everything. He is such a great dad, too. I kind of knew he would be, but when you see it in action, every day, it's really a miracle. I'm not sure I knew that this was where we'd be 10 years after our wedding but I think this is it, but even better.

One of many self portraits.

One of many water volleyball games.

Lobster and steak dinner on the beach. Thanks hotel credit!

The lobster dinner was lovely. But the scenery was better.

Rocking the pink helmet and pink skin for the zipline.
Not a good day to have an epic sunburn on your ass.

They should give you this much safety gear for marriage.

The crazy jet boat ride. This thing went like 80 miles an
hour and stopped on a dime. Sometimes right before the shore.
Very fun!

Our perch at the pool.

It snowed the week before we left home and rained
the week we came home. It seems that the snow
followed us because no matter how we changed the
settings on the camera, the flakes were there
in spite of the fact it was a lovely, dry evening.

flashback: we're getting a baby!

WE’RE GETTING A BABY!!!!!!!! Holy shit! Scott and I were both just starting to freak out because it’s been a couple of days since we met with Juno so of course the doubt was creeping in. I was starting to resign myself to the call – she’s going a different direction, she picked someone else, she thought you guys were freak shows, she can’t give her baby to a guy who used to be a cheerleader. I was just starting to think it was too good to be true and that we were due for a little more roller coastering before our baby found us. But he did! He has! And he’ll be here in 2 months!! We are so excited, through the roof, over the clouds. I can’t wait to tell  our parents and our friends and then just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best, I suppose. I am so wound up right now I can’t even see straight! What a fabulous anniversary present. Lucky number seven! I will always remember that I was in my robe with a towel turban on my head when our adoption coordinator called…in the middle of the afternoon! Thank goodness they couldn’t see that or they probably would have changed their minds for sure!

 
I want to write down how thankful I am for Juno. When she asked me what I would tell her/our son about her I wasn’t completely sure. But today I know that I’ll be able to tell him that she was very careful and thoughtful about her decision, that she took her time to make a choice that she thought would give him the best opportunities in life to achieve his goals and be everything that he could. That she was a smart woman even though her age makes her just a girl, she’s making choices that are very adult, very giving and, yes, very hard. 

It must be a huge sacrifice for her to place her first baby with a boy she obviously loves with someone else. That kind of decision is made from nothing but love. It can’t have been an easy decision for her especially when there are so many other options, but we are so grateful and thankful that she is as strong as she is and loves him as much as she does. This is the best gift that we have ever been given and every time we look at our boy, cheer for him, hug him, tuck him in at night, calm a temper tantrum, wipe a stinky butt, ground him for some kind of shenanigans we will do it knowing the blessing that he is in our life and how lucky we are to have him. All thanks to Juno and Paulie.

And can I mention that this was one heck of an anniversary present?! 

flashback: the first meeting - after

We met our possible future birth mother last night. We were joking around before we left trying to guess what she looks like and boy, did we both get it wrong! She’s really cute. Blonde, blue eyed and tall! Apparently she’s 5’11” – can you believe that? But she’s a very smart, nice, well-mannered girl who seems to love her family, loves to read, likes sports – she plays volleyball and basketball in school, wants to go to college and get a degree in psychology, was raised Catholic and likes big dogs. She seemed perfect and Scott and I both felt like she would fit right into our families at a holiday dinner. She also seemed really confident in her decision. 

Hopefully we made a good impression even though I told her that Scott was a cheerleader, probably not a real great selling point for a girl who’s into sports and her boyfriend, the baby daddy is also a football, basketball player. Woops! But it was funny. It was definitely a nerve wracking and wrecking experience but I think it was good and hopefully we follow through with a second meeting that’s maybe a little more comfortable. She was very interested in what we were thinking of naming the baby – nothing gay – so we’ll have to think about that. We brainstormed some last night and I think we’re leaning toward Nicholas Tagg. Nickelas Tagg Harmer, but we’ll probably call him Tagg. If he’s going to be a big smart good looking kid, I think he can pull that off.  We may have to rethink the baby room. I know, I know. But if we get a girl next, we can totally save the bumble bee stuff, right? Anyway, now we just have to wait for her to decide if she wants to sign the match contract and then we can start telling people. The anticipation is crazy!

I’m going to head to the gym in a bit for a good run and then a swim. I was meant to swim yesterday and I just couldn’t make myself get in the pool. I don’t know what my aversion is to it. I think sometimes it’s tough to tack that on to another work out, or maybe it’s just because it’s a process to swim, like you should just be able to hop in and go, or maybe it’s the swimsuit, or maybe it’s because it’s the thing that I am the least graceful at. But we have our open water swim clinic in less than 3 weeks so I need to get my ass in the pool and get up to speed. Lynne is still doing the swim from Alcatraz. I think she’s absolutely insane but I’m so proud of her! It’s also only 2 weeks from the Wasatch Back race. Can you believe that? The time just flew by! I’m really happy that I signed up for this. It’s really making me enjoy the freedom of running and I love running outside. It’s nice to be able to count on my own energy to get places! Plus I like the effects it’s creating on my body – not counting the Achilles tendonitis! I’ll be happy when the weather decides to be summer. It’s been just sketchy. A good day or two and now we’re back to rain and snow. Ugh. Hopefully we’ll get some good sun this weekend at the lake while we’re celebrating!

flashback: the first meeting - before

Well, I’m officially freaked out. Technically, I’ve probably been freaked out all day. The time is going like molasses. Seriously! How can it only be 4:20…that’s still 2 hours away! Before we even have to leave!  I still have no idea what I’m going to wear. I have played through so many scenes in my head that I think I’m going nuts. I’ve got old Bachelorette re-runs on in the background to distract myself (not working). I have accomplished virtually nothing workwise today because I can’t focus. I did have a pretty good workout so now I feel like I need to for a run or something but I can’t because then I’ll be all sweaty and stuff. I wonder if Juno has been having the same day. I mean this is as terrifying and nerve wrecking (wracking? That’s really a word? What the hell?! Hah, you learn something new every day!) as a first blind date, a job interview and meeting the in laws for the first time all wrapped into one! 

 I know that at the end of the day we just have to be ourselves and hope for the best. That’s really all we can do, right? And we want to be comfortable that we’ve put our best, most honest face forward and hope that she’s doing the same. And more important – that she likes us! Like Sally Field said at the Oscars, you like me! You really like me! I can’t imagine if she picks us and the clock starts ticking, that’s going to be so fast. 

But I shouldn’t get ahead of myself, should I. One thing at a time and remember that there are no guarantees. I feel like a complete nut job today, thinking about planning a baby shower, getting the room ready and stuff, names – what names?!, how are we going to tell our parents, our friends, what happens if the baby’s early or late, what will she look like, what does Paulie look like, why did they pick us other than the notable absence of fairy tale horseshit and the fact that we’re not a family with a half-dozen kids already. Are we really ready and fit to be parents? I mean this is a big responsibility! And although I like to think we can do a more respectable job than a 14 year old, who knows! No, I know the answer to that. How are we going to tell Scott’s family that we can’t make the houseboat trip – oh, because we’re getting a baby! That’s why. Wait, maybe. See, here goes the roller coaster carny ride again! All damn day long, I tell you! Scott likes to sing that doo-doo-doodle-ooo-doo-doo-doodle-ooo circus music to describe what’s going in my head sometimes. Today it’s actually pretty dead on! –sigh- Okay, maybe I’ll go do some yoga or something and see if I can turn off the crazy for a bit and get into a calm spot.

flashback: the call

Journal entry from May 27th, 2008: 

Today was a big day! We got the call! I’m not sure what I expected but I had a message from our adoption coordinator and my heart just started pounding. So I’m telling myself calm down, don’t get too excited, she’s probably just calling to see if we decided to change our profile at all. So I listened to the message and sure enough, they have a birth mom who is interested in us! I can’t believe it! I was in absolute shock, completely stunned. It’s so funny because it was the call we’ve been waiting for and when it came, I was so totally unprepared. I sat on the couch in my office for a minute and just tried to breathe and soak in the moment. I am so grateful and thrilled and scared and nervous! So what now? I called Amber and she gave me the lowdown. The birth mom is from out of state. Her name is Juno. I’ve always loved that name (not Juno, but her real name, although Juno is cool too). She’s only 14, can you believe it? But she has a boyfriend who is 16 and wants to be involved in the process. She’s due August 1^st and it’s a boy. A boy! Cute little baby boy! I felt like an idiot on the  phone with Amber. I had no idea what to say, what to ask, I could barely make a complete sentence I think. So anyway we’re meeting with her and her aunt on Tuesday. Talk about some pressure! It’s so hard, we haven’t wanted to tell anyone until after the meeting just to make sure. I guess this is a roller coaster we need to ride alone for the time being. And I know that we need to be as thrilled as we are but grounded in reality a bit too. I mean she’s young, she has two more months to think about this and she has a boyfriend which they say is the biggest risk of deciding to parent at the last minute but I’m hopeful and thankful that maybe our baby has found us finally.

It was such odd timing too because yesterday my friend Amy emailed us all and said that she’s pregnant. It was such a blow for some reason. I mean it really kind of threw me off earlier in the day. I was just thinking – if she makes a baby before we even get a call I’ll…I don’t know what! It’s hard because I am truly happy for her but I was soooo jealous and kind of feeling sorry for myself and then boom! Here comes the call! How’s that for timing?!

I was so over the top all day! We went to dinner and drinks for Little’s birthday and then went to the Sex and the City movie – which was deliciously cheesy and girlie. The whole audience was dressed up in their SATC finest. I’ve never seen so many great shoes and cute outfits – especially at a movie in Utah! It was a fun night and I have no idea how I managed not to spill the beans all night long. Thank goodness I was able to tell Tiffany, otherwise I probably would have burst! I can’t wait to tell our parents and everyone but it’s scary too knowing that something could change any minute for the next two months – and that’s assuming that Tuesday goes well!

I wonder what Juno is like, what her boyfriend is like, how they’ve gotten to this place and how they’re dealing with it. It’s got to be so much emotion for people so young. But who knows, who knows what kind of girl she will be or why she is making such a brave and generous choice, or what she saw in us that made her feel like she might want us to raise her baby. I’m sure she’s wondering the same thing about us. You know, if we’re as cool as our book made us look. Hah! Just kidding!

It’s so hard to imagine that in 2 months we could have a little baby in our house. Everything changes. I pray that we will be good parents. I pray that the baby will be healthy. I pray that Juno and her boyfriend are making the right choice and that they like us. I pray that all of our dreams are going to come true. I am going to start writing more regularly now so that when we start our baby book we can share with the baby our elation and fear and joy and love for both him and his birth parents. I’m sure that it’s not something I’m likely to forget anytime soon but it will be great to have stories from these crazy days to share.

Good lord! What do you wear to an interview? What questions do you ask? What do you talk about to a 14 year old who’s 7 months pregnant with what could be your future joy, your baby? I don’t think that’s something you can google, is it? Gosh, think about all the stuff we have to do now! Baby shower, baby room (do I still love the bees if it’s a boy? I think so, definitely for now at any rate. Plus boys love bugs, right? We can paint all kinds of critters in the grass if he wants!), car seats – shoot, I need to go clean my car, so many things to think about and do and prepare for. I couldn’t be more excited! Well, I could be if I wasn’t tying to temper the euphoria with a little bit of reality. Anyway, big day! The first of many I hope!

happy, happy birthday to you!

Oddly enough, I woke up early, rolled over and looked at the clock...5:15. One year to the day from when we got the phone call. At 7:45, I woke up again to Sloane coo-ing from her bed. One year to the day (give or take a few minutes) from the time she was born. That was pretty cool. I cannot believe that we have been so blessed to have this baby girl in our life and our family and our hearts every single day for the last 365 days.

 

After breakfast and a little armpit-baby snuggling with cartoons to watch, we all went for a family bike ride because it was such a lovely day. It started to get a little windy on our way back so Scott and I tag-teamed riding the tow-bike with 2 kids weighing 60-ish pounds into the wind up the hills ...it was a work-out!

the birthday part-ay!

A. It was a gale force wind storm. B. Marc and Becky showed up early...like I was still in a bathrobe with a towel on my head early. Yikes! C. We had a super-fabulous burger barbecue with fruit salad, potato salad and corn on the cob...and cupcakes!

Nana and Papa got this book for Sloane on a
Sioux reservation in South Dakota. The first page says
"you are a gift from the skies." What else can you say?

She loves shoes...gets that from me.

Aunt Tiff reading Tale of Despareux, a gift for Tagg
from Sloane's baby great grandma!

Aunt Becky with the girls in their "twin" outfits from Nana.
Polka dot princesses!

Me, Nana and the birthday girl.

Becky and Harper.

Tagg and Sloane playing with Sloane's birthday present.
(Don't tell Tagg...he thinks this is his present.)

Happy Birthday, baby girl!

*

flashback: sloane's birthday

Here's my journal entry from Sloane's birthday last year:

Sloane Ryan was in a little bit of a rush, it seems! She was due May 25th but we had a feeling that she might be a little ahead of schedule - and she was! We got a call at 5:15 on Saturday morning May 15th (5/15!) that her birth mom's water had broken and she was at the hospital. We had packed our bags and planned the fire drill, thinking that we could make it to Roosevelt in 3 hours. Even though we made great time (2 hours 45 minutes! no speeding, promise. We did the balls-out speeding on the highway and then screeched to the actual 35MPH speed limit in the little cities along the way) Sloane made better time. She was born at 7:38 so we missed the actual birth by about 15-20 minutes. We got to hear some of her first cries over the phone which was really awesome.

We did arrive at the hospital in time to give her her first bottle. It was such an amazing experience to have Bella place Sloane in my arms and call me her mommy. It's impossible to describe that feeling. All I know is that it brings tears to my eyes every time I think of it. I don't have a picture of it, but I know I'll never need one because it's a permanent fixture in my mind's eye.

Sloane was 6 lbs 15 oz, 20 inches long, and perfect in every way. She has a little ring of dark hair with blondish peach fuzz on top, long slender fingers and feet, and a pouty lower lip. She's very alert yet peaceful when she's awake, which isn't often!

From the first moment we met Bella and her mom back in February, we felt a connection with them. It just felt like this was meant to be and it's been that way all along - in the "almost too good to be true" way! Happily, that feeling was reinforced over the course of the weekend. We felt like we were with family (in the good way!) and we were so impressed with everyone's support and love and how easy everything was. We shared all kinds of stories and laughed and passed Sloane around so everyone had a chance to fawn over her. It was pretty amazing! We are really excited to have everyone as part of our extended family. You could really feel the love they have for this baby and we felt embraced as part of their family too. We have a lot to live up to!


The hospital gave us our own room - SO much nicer than our last experience! - fed us every meal and really went out of their way to make us feel like part of the experience. Tagg had a cold so he wasn't able to make it up to the hospital which was a bummer - especially because we missed him so much - but we were able to focus and appreciate the quality time we got to have with Sloane and her family. She ate really well which was nice and had such epic poops that even the nurses seemed a little shocked.

Sloane's baby-family got her the most darling going-home outfit. Even though it was a little big (we made the headband fit by using scotch tape!), she looked adorable in it. Yellow and bees seems to be a theme for us! The whole family was so thoughtful with their gifts for her - little grey Converse sneakers from Bella, a hand-quilted blanket from grandma, blankets that match her butterfly room, tiny Indian bracelets from Jacob's mom, a cute little teddy bear from Jacob (which Tagg thought was Sloane when we brought her home! "Sloane Bear"), and oodles of darling clothes. It was really amazing and we know that every time we wrap her in one of those blankets, it will be like a sweet hug from them. It was really an amazing experience and even though it was certainly hard for everyone, you can see all the love and joy present in everyone's faces.

 It's almost unbelievable to think that we have been this lucky twice! There are really no words to describe how blessed we are. Bella and Jacob are amazing, intelligent, peaceful, lovely, and mature young people and you can see how much they love each other and this little girl. Their courage has given us the gift of family and there is really no way to say thank you for that. We just have to make them proud and give them the opportunity to fulfill all of their dreams knowing that Sloane is loved - and loves them.